Mother's Day

This year was the first Mother's Day without my mom. I spent the week dreading the thought of celebrating it without her. Mother's Day has always been about her. I really thought the perfect way to celebrate it would be to ignore it.
Everyone knows I have struggled with motherhood and grand-motherhood since my mom passed away. There have been some dark days when I do not want to be a mother anymore. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but some days I feel like they would be better off being raised by wolves.
Keith left for Dallas early Sunday morning and I thought OK how can this get worse. Then I remembered it could get worse, things can always get worse. My kids reminded me that day how lucky I am. McCoy made me a bouquet of flowers from a toilet paper roll. Isaac made me a cookie flower. Her ate the flower but let me keep the paper vase. Tierra and Greg brought cheesecake. I love cheesecake! Matt, Tanshyle, and Holynd knowing where my thoughts were this Mother's Day gave me a plaque that says "Because someone we love is in heaven, we feel heaven in our home". I display it by pictures of my mother. Keith and kids gave me a "bumbles" watch with exchangeable bands. I love it!
The day before we had taken a ride to Wallsburg to see the headstone on my mother's grave. I was surprised by the peace I felt there. I love the fact that my dad picked out the design on the headstone, all the thought and consideration he put into it. I realized this year that Mother's Day for me will never be the same. It won't be better, it won't be worse, it will be different. I think I can live with different.