IF IT'S NOT ONE THING, IT'S YOUR MOTHER

Since my mother passed away in December I have been thinking a lot about what kind of mother I am. I had an amazing mother. She did everything with such grace and ease. She was truly wise and I miss her advice and guidance everyday.
What I have learned through her passing is that I have spent so much time trying to be a good mother I have became a crappy one. I have spent way too much time worrying about things that aren't really important. I have expected a perfection in myself and my children that is unobtainable.
When we adopted the boys we had to jump through so many hoops. We had to have home studies, background checks, physicals and produce financial records. When we had the girls we just took them home. I mean they will let any idiot have a baby. There is no training to be a parent. Bill Cosby said "In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You need a lot of love and luck and of course, courage".
Teenagers even harder. What planet do they come from? The worst day of my life is the day I realized my children had free agency. I seriously think when it comes to teenagers Satan had the right idea. No Free Agency! But now that Tanshyle is an adult (adult used loosely) I know that your children have to make mistakes. They also have to have the freedom to make those mistakes. The worst pain I have ever felt is when my kids have done something they are truly sorry for then have to face the consequences.
I have struggled so much with letting my children go. When Tanshyle moved out it was absolutely horrible and she was getting married. I knew that Matt would take care of her and it was still so hard. When Tierra moved out I cried for a week. I worry constantly that she is safe and making good decisions. Guess what? I'm not going to lie I am not going to be any better with the others.
On our playlist there is a song by David Cook called "Come Back to Me." I know whomever wrote it was talking about a woman, but when I listen to it I think of my girls. I want them to know that whatever they grow up to be , whatever mistakes they make, that their Dad and my love does not depend on anything except the fact that they are our children. They can always "Come Back to Me".